Nicole Tardiff

1.

SILENTLY SCREAMING

I feel like everything is dying around me

My family, My friends, My world

Or is it something inside of Me?

Is it something I’m too blind to see?

When I look into the mirror, what I once saw was not so bad,

But now when I look in the mirror what I find is something so sad

The girl who’s looking back at me, although she does not speak a word

I can tell she has a lot to say

Because I have noticed that her smile has begun to fade

I just don’t feel the same anymore

Nothing seems to be right

I try to hold my head up high but it always ends up hanging toward the floor

Before my friends told me they hated me

Before My mother’s boyfriend, Ron, and all the deaths

I was living such a perfect life

I was actually trying my best.

My sky has turned to a darkened gray

My dreams are no longer real

I have no idea what to believe anymore

I don’t know what to feel

My angel left me long ago and I can’t seem to find where she went

She has left a special part of me so dreary and upset

I hadn’t done anything wrong I was still the same old me

Still I had no answers what in God’s name could it be

I sat and thought what I could have possibly said or done

To make my friends so upset with me, to make our friendship come undone

Finally I had an answer, I actually knew what was wrong

With my sickly jealous friends. Why had it taken me so long?

Why couldn’t they just be happy for me

They wanted what I had, To be happy just like me

Because they had never experienced the feeling of being free

Now I don’t have to worry those insecure Children are out of my life

But it does not end there no not just yet

There is more to the story, More pain and strife

My mother is going through her own loss

I don’t know how to help her, I have never taken charge before and been the boss

She sleeps all the time and says she doesn’t care

But I know she still cares about me, for I’m still her little Baby Bear

I still hate to see her suffer

She is the strongest person I know

And it crushes me inside to see her no longer glow

She will get through this and I’m right by her side

And as soon as that day comes we are going to take off and fly

But for now I’m silently screaming at myself and to the world

What no one seems to understand is that for now I’m a lost and lonely little girl.

2.

WHEN I GO TO A RED SOX BASEBALL GAME

I can’t explain

the feeling I get

when I go to

a Red Sox

baseball game.

It’s like this

BANG of energy that rushes through my veins.

I’m free.

No one

can tell me

what to do.

The air is filled with

the spices of

hot dogs, pizza,

Fenway freshly cut grass.

I love it.

Here

everyone is like me,

cheering on my fave

Red Sox players.

I’m not different.

Here

I fit in.