Sara DelNido

GONE

“The Sara we used to know is gone.”

Gone.

I’m gone

My mom says so.

At this time last year, I was going out with friends

Picking the next day’s outfit

Trying to devise a way to get myself to the senior prom.

Now I’m crying

Crying crying

Like I do every day

In bed, late at night, when no one can see me

Like I am inside, every second of every day

Internal bleeding

No one sees it.

Why have I put on such a mask?

Heavy mask of makeup that acts as a shield to hold in my

feelings

Hasn’t failed me yet.

Why have I become like this?

Crying crying like a baby

The tears don’t do anything

Useless

Duh, I knew that

Yet now I sit on my bed and listen to the wind blazing outside

Like a whirlwind of insanity

Uncontainable

Unrestrainable

Hearing the taunting music in my head

Discordant and sad

Twisting my mind until all I hear is a scream

Which I cannot utter

Enjoying the darkness

Thick black

Shutting out life

And numbing me to myself.

Still crying.

Hotness dripping like bitter honey onto my once pure cheeks

A face that knew no true sadness.

I used to want to do things

Succeed, laugh, work, make myself beautiful

Now why do I want to do none of those things?

Why? Why? Why? Why?

Where am I?

Who am I?

Where is Sara?

How did she go away?

How can I find her and bring her back?

It’s like that line from Linkin Park

“If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer,

Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer by myself.”

Myself

I don’t know who that is

Even the word sounds strange

I’ve forgotten the definition, where’s a dictionary?

Last year I guess it was someone

Content with herself

Satisfied

Happy

So why is it that I hate life now?

Why why.

I can feel my personality slipping away

Every day

A little more sand through my fingers

A little more Sara is gone.

And when I look in the mirror

I see all the things that I never wanted to be.