Zander Bauman

BIG DEBUT

My name is Kent Wallace, and I am an amateur filmmaker. All my life I’ve loved movies, going entire weeks where the only time I left my house was to get some more tapes out of Blockbuster. And all my life I’ve been thinking up my own, from the monster movies I made with my little brother as a kid to the teen angst movies I made as a preteen. All my life I’ve been waiting for this moment, the moment that is about to come. Because now, after all these years of pondering, I’m ready. I am finally capable enough, old enough, and mature enough to do it. I am ready to make my big debut. But I can’t just debut with anything. A debut’s gotta be big. Many filmmakers never make a movie better than their first one. Case in point: Mel Brooks hit his peak with The Producers, his first time as writer and director. Another example: while highly debatable, I find that Kevin Smith’s Clerks is the best of his New Jersey trilogy, although all of the five have very strong supporters. A strong debut is what makes you.

                  “You’re going to remake The Godfather?” asked Mark.

                  “It’s not a remake,” I said. “It’s a reenvisioning.”

                  “That’s just a fancy way of saying a remake,” said Mark.

                  “No,” I said, “because in a reenvisioning you take a movie and play it up in a completely different way. It’s not a redone version of the original, it’s a completely different movie with a similar premise.”

                  “Oh, so like Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes?”

                  “Yes,” I said, “except without the suck.”

                  “It’s The Godfather!” said Mark. “The greatest movie ever made! How do you think you can top that?”

                  “I agree that it has many good aspects, but any movie has room for improvement.”

                  “Ok,” said Mark, “tell me how you would improve The Godfather.”

                  “Well,” I said, leaning back in my chair, “I have tons of ideas. Like, for instance, instead of Michael hiding in Sicily, he should go to the Middle East, so we can get that whole Osama bin Laden angle in there. You know, play towards the modern crowd?”

                  “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” said Mark.

                  “Also,” I said, “we can beef up Kay’s part to give her a whole side story while Michael’s in the Middle East, something about her becoming a stripper. And we need far more sex scenes.”

                  “That totally cheapens the whole concept!”

                  “No,” I said, “it’s artistic.”

                  “So what do you want me to do?” Mark asked.

                  “To be in it, of course,” I said.

                  “Well who could I be?” he asked. “I’m not Italian, I’m not good-looking, and I’m not even any good at acting. The only reason I’m ever in any of these movies is ’cause you ask me.”

                  “I got it!” I said. “Well, who’s not Italian in the movie? Tom Hagen. It’d be a perfect part for you.”

                  “Tom Hagen? As in the part Robert Duvall played? How do you expect me to play a part once done by Robert Duvall?”

                  “It’s a reenvisioning,” I explained. “It’ll be like a completely different part. You’ll hardly even recognize the character Robert Duvall played. So are you in?”

                  “This is the dumbest project I’ve ever heard of,” Mark said.

                  “So you’re in?” I asked.

                  “Well, yeah,” he said. “It’s not like I’ve got anything better to do.”

As my best friend, I needed Mark on the project to give me the go-ahead, to tell me that it was as viable a project as it appeared in my mind. If Mark wasn’t in, then there’d be no point in me attempting it. Sure, I could find better actors than Mark, but the moral support he gave me was unmatched. So with the ok by Mark, I began the script. I watched the beginning of the movie again, and still wasn’t sure how I wanted the movie to begin. So I reread the first part of the book. The book starts a little before the movie, showing all the people who go to Don Corleone for help before Connie’s wedding. So I figured I’d beat that by starting even earlier chronologically. Once I got the beginning set, I easily got the first two scenes written. With a beginning set, I knew the rest of it would write itself, so I immediately went to work on casting.

                  You can’t have a movie without a lead. I mean, sure, there are lots of ensemble movies out there, which sometimes work and sometimes don’t. And even in those kinda movies characters stick out. Even in Pulp Fiction you can still call John Travolta the lead. So that was where I wanted to start. Once I had a lead, everyone else would fall into place. It’s like in Hollywood. They spend years searching for a lead, but they all come in packs. You take one guy you also get a director, a lead actress, a camera man, and a best boy. You take another actor you get a supporting actress, a writer, and a casting agency. You take a third guy you get him as director, his brother as screenwriter, and a trained monkey to make a cameo in the movie. It’s all very political. So I went to work, until I found the perfect guy to play my Michael.

                  “Hola Señor Daniel!” said Jorge.

                  “Jorge, it’s Kent now, not Dan.” I said.

                  “Señor Daniel, ¿qué puedo hacer para ti?”

                  “Well, you see Jorge, I’m making a movie, and I want you to be the lead. You’re perfect for the role. It’s a guy who wanted to do it his way, but got caught up in family business. And there’s a salsa dance scene that’d be perfect for you.”

                  “No hablo ninguna palabra de inglés.”

                  “You’re in? Great!”

                  With Michael cast, I knew the rest of the guy parts could be filled easily. But getting some of the girl spots filled, that could be a bit trickier. Now most of the girls in my crew wouldn’t be so hard to lure over, always ready at the promise of possible stardom, a chance to show off their dramatic ability, and a couple of bucks for being in it (compared to what they pay in Hollywood….or Newton for that matter, it’s nothing. Seriously, I pay like $5). However, Gloria wasn’t like most of the girls in my crew. Namely because she wasn’t in my crew, and yet I knew I could find no one else for the part of Apollonia that would satisfy me. It had to be her.

                  “This isn’t going to be like your last movie, is it?” asked Gloria.

                  “No, that movie had a different purpose. This one will be more tuned down towards the masses.”

                  “It didn’t make any sense Dan,” she said.

                  “It’s Kent now, Gloria, and it did make sense. You just have to be able to see it at its artistic level.”

                  “All I know is that I was sitting on a flower pot with a snake between my teeth while Mark read off a list of the elements.”

                  “You were symbolizing Eve, with the snake already there, yet at the same time you were also the Tree of Life, so though you fell you are still what life is, and the elements represented what life is made of on a more basic level, the inorganic components.”

                  “That’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard.”

                  “Listen,” I said, “you just stick to acting. It’s my job to explain it, you just go into it.”

                  “So I read the first part of your screenplay. I’m not in it.”

                  “You don’t appear towards later, but you definitely play a crucial role.”

                  “Dan…” she said.

                  “What?”

                  “This isn’t just some dumb attempt to win me back, is it?”

                  “Of course not,” I said. “We broke up months ago. I’ve accepted it, I’ve moved on. I want you in this for two reasons: as an actress and a friend. We’re all in this together Gloria. Anyway, we start shooting tomorrow at noon. Meet in Mark’s backyard at 11:30. You probably won’t be in the scene, but be there so we can all talk about the project anyway, ok?”

                  “Ok Dan,” she said. “But do me a favor, ok?”

                  “What?” I said.

                  “Stop calling yourself Kent. The name doesn’t fit you.”

                  On my way out, I stopped and turned to say one more thing. “Oh, by the way. You will be nude throughout the entire movie.”

                  EXT Mark’s House 11:30 AM Shooting Day

                  “Where do you want me to film it from?” asked Ian.

                  “That spot’s good, just keep it steady,” I said.

                  “All right,” said Ian. “The Next Godfather take 1!”

                  And like that, my life as a filmmaker had begun.